End of the year excitment!

Well, a lot has happened since my last post. Let's see, I registered for classes this spring, so i will be going back to school Jan 11th. Christmas is over (thank God!), so thats a little less stress. Umm, what else...ohhh, I'm ENGAGED!!! :) Kyle proposed on Christmas eve and we are starting the wedding plans! We are planning for a fall wedding. We decided on a date: November 11, 2011. We are so excited! The ring is beautiful. See:

Mom took the big news better than i expected. She even shed a few tears. Kyle folks couldn't be happier. We told them the news and right after that, they asked when they would have grandbabies! LOL I told them if it were up to me, we would already have them, but we have to make a few changes in our lives before we bring a new lil' one into our lives. We can't wait for all the excitement ahead though. Even though the wedding is nearly two years away, the time will go by quicker than we think. Let the stress of the wedding planning begin! Well, i have to get to bed soon since i am scheduled to work tomorrow. I'll try to keep this blog updated more. Good night for now!

It's been a while...

So it has been almost a month since my last post. Life is about the same, I'd say. Work is the same, except for the fact that starting in December, i will be working night shift at work on my scheduled weekends. yay! night shift is soo much better than the evening shift i work now. the people are better and willing to help out more. i am not as tired during nightshift as i am working 3-11. it just seems to work better for me this way. kyle started a new job tonight working security at Taiga on the wknds. We wont see eachother much but we need the money and what else is new?! lol I am going on Monday to (hopefully) register for spring classes at HCC. I am praying i am not too late registering and that TGH will cover most of my tuition. ::fingers crossed:: Thanksgiving is less than a week away, uhg. Holidays with my relatives are not the most joyous thing in the world. There is always some drama with someone. It's more of a dreaded time for me than a joyful one. I would rather kyle and i just have a dinner with my mom and dad and sister and then his parents and sister after that, instead of going to my grandparents and dealing with the drama of each family member. Geez. I suppose all i can do is smile and get through it. I am, however, very thankful for all that i have. Despite my feelings for the thanksgiving festivities in my family, i haven't lost sight of the true meaning of the Thanksgiving holiday. I have a great family. I am blessed with surprisingly good health, a job, an amzing boyfriend, awesome friends, a place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear, and many other things. I am also thankful to live in the greatest country on earth. I am thankful for freedom, and those who fight for that freedom. I can't believ how quickly this year has come and gone. It will be Christmas soon. Well, i suppose that is enough for now. Happy early Thanksgiving!

Hide & Seek

A friend of mine recently found out that her dad is leaving her mom because he met another woman. She was devastated. Her parents have been married 23 years and seemed to be so in love. My friend turned me onto this song by Imogen Heap called, "Hide & Seek". The lyrics didnt make sense to me at first, so i listened to it a few more times and i think i get it. This is a pretty credible interpretation of the lyrics that I found. Just sorry I couldn't figure it out, it seems obvious now. Trains and sewing machines threw me off. She is clever! Interpretation in parenthesis:

where are we? What the hell is going on?... Dust has only just begun to fall, (a big fight recently happened between wife and husband and the dust is just settling and she has no idea of whats coming next) crop circles in the carpet sinking, feeling... Spin me around again and rub my eyes this can't be happening... (she just came home and the devastating realization hits so very hard; some furniture is gone (carpet crop circles), and unable to accept being left, the world is falling apart) when busy streets amess with people would stop to hold their heads heavy (if the whole world felt what she felt, this is what it might look like. Everything, everybody stops to hold their heads heavy because, nothing else matters. It looks as if all that is precious is lost and things will never be the same again...) hide and seek (the "game" of finding love, seeking and hoping to find it) trains and sewing machines (the trains of a wedding dress and the work it takes to make the dress and as well, a marriage) all those years, they were here first.. (the breakup is happening, but our marriage, our time together happened too. It was here first before the other, and it was real and it meant something.) oily marks appear on walls where pleasure moments hung before... (the place where pictures and happy memories hung before, but no longer. The absents of the pictures are as painfull as if they were still hung... The poor womans life is now a sad and lonely void) the takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this still life. (the takeover meaning being pushed aside by the other? The harsh cold and gray of loneliness after having known love and the loss of it.) hide and seek trains and sewing machines ...Oh, won't catch me around here... (i'll not play the "game" of finding love... I will never marry again.....) (and this is why... Her past experience was so brutally painful and damaging (can't forget, can't heal??)) blood and tears.... They were here first ohm, what'd you say, mmm, that you only meant well? Well of course you did (meant well? Doesn't meaning well mean trying to fix it. We vowed to each other for better or worse.) ohm, what'd you say, mmm, that it's all for the best 'cause it is (for the best? You're just going to throw it all away?) ohm, what'd you say, mmm, that it's just what we need...You decided this? (.... You decided this? Shouldn't we talk and both decide?? Ohm, what'd you say, mmm, what did she say? (the third party... The reason all this happened) ransom notes keep falling out your mouth (love being held hostage, dangled in front with hollow words and no intention of trying to go back to what we had) mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs speak no feeling, no I don't believe you you can bet you don't care a bit... (saying things, words you know I want to hear but no feeling in them ... I know you don't care anymore. I don't believe you) ransom notes keep falling out your mouth mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs speak no feeling, no I don't believe you... You don't care a bit you don't care a bit you don't care a bit you don't care a bit .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cpSv2mNhhc

going through the motions

wow, so it's been a while since i have blogged on here. not much is new. im not in school this semester, just working and nannying. i picked up a new nanny job every wednesday before i go to work. that will keep me busy but it's extra income that i wont turn down. lol i have decided to work night shift (7p-7a) at the hospital starting in december and i will probably go back to school in jan. i am excited about working nights! night shift is just more mellow and the people i will be working with are pretty amazing. i don't sleep much at night anyhow, so i might as well be getting paid to be up. i'll be working 12hr shifts so i wont have to work as many days a week. hopefully, this will work with school. as much as i dont want to go to school, i think it will be good for me. all the nurses say i will make a great nurse, so i will have to put my hate for school aside and just deal with it. i'm off today so i can just relax and rest up for a busy weekend at work. well, thats all for now. Ciao!

Fear

Tonight, all of a sudden it hit me. Maybe its hormones or something but all at once i felt like my fear and uncertainty of the future hit me like a ton of bricks. After kyle went to bed, i went to take a shower. As i started the water and got in, i felt my eyes fill with tears and my heart drop. I sat under the water and cried quietly and uncontrollably. I felt like i couldn't catch my breath or stop crying no matter how hard i tried. I think all this talk lately of the future has got me overwhelmed and stressed. I'm scared, about many things. Kyle and i will be engaged before the new year, there is talk of planning a wedding. How will we afford a wedding? we want a baby. Can we afford a child? what about a new place to live? Our current lease is up in December and we can't afford much higher than our current rent but we need more space. What about school? An education costs money too. It seems the only thing i am sure of anymore is kyle and i. If he doesn't get his raise by the end of the year, how will we afford a bigger place, and a wedding and a baby?! I have never been one who is all about money. I am just fine with the simple things and i have been raised to work hard for what i want/need. Despite those values, I'm terrified of the future, and of the unknown. Will we be okay? I always try to be the strong one and i usually hide my fears, anxiety, etc. But everyone has a breaking point. I just want someone to hold me and assure me it will all be okay. I don't want to go to kyle with these worries, he has enough on his mind. I know he has the same worries, but i don't want to pile my worries/fears onto him when he has enough to worry about. I love him so very much. I need some guidance, reassurance, advice, something......

Unimaginable

Yesterday at work i went over to the Pedi ICU to help out and as i walked in, they were coding a 1month old baby boy. It was so sad to watch. His lifeless, little body was laying in the isolet and the nurses were doing compressions and getting the code cart. After about 30mins, they stabilized him. They had an echo-tech come and do a ECG on the baby's heart and in the middle of the scan, they baby starts coding again. The echo-tech said he wasn't 100% sure but it looked like the baby didn't have a tricuspid valve. That is an essential part of the heart and I'm unsure how the baby lived a month without any other problems. The baby was originally brought in for a rule-out sepsis diagnosis, so the docs had no idea that the major problem was his little heart. anyhow, after coding him for the second time for about 20mins, they decided to bring in the defibrillator and shock him. i had never seen them shock a person using the defibrillator, and i had to see them shock the baby. His lifeless little body jumped as they shocked him. One of the nurses comes over and asks me to console the family and explain to them whats going on. That was not easy. I sat them down and explained that the doctors were going to try and shock the baby's heart to get it to start beating again. The parents sat outside of the room watching the doctors work on the baby as i tried to keep them calm. The mother was hysterical, the father was watching with bloodshot, teary eyes trying to comfort his wife. The doctor came out to tell the family that if the next shock was unsuccessful that there wasn't much more they could do. I felt my heart jump up into my throat and tears gather in my eyes. Another 10mins passed and that was it; They had called it, the time of death. The mom lost it. As i helped lead them out into the conference room, the nurses started to clean up the room and the baby so the family could come hold him one last time. The nurses worked diligently with tears in their eyes. I stood there in shock. I walked in the room and help the nurse make a bereavement kit for the family. In the kit we give the family a clay footprint of the baby, a lock of hair, the gown the baby was dressed in and a few other things. I felt numb as i picked up the baby's cold, lifeless little leg and pressed his foot to the clay. After the imprint of his little foot was done, i wrapped him up so the family could come in and say their good byes. It was devastating. I went downstairs for my break and just cried. :( i cant imagine being a mother, carrying a baby for 9months, taking your baby home, bringing your baby back to the hospital and then leaving without him/her. That has to be the most terrible feeling in the world. My heart broke for that family.

My latest Etsy purchase

was this cute, fun, handmade bag! i love it! i wish i was talented enough and had the spare time to create cute things like that. Lately, i have been obsessed with HGTV and Better Homes & Gardens magazines. This new obsession caused me to re-arrange my living room this morning. Kyle has yet to see our new living room and will be quite surprised when he comes home tonight. hehe Our apartment is small but works just fine for a first place. Since our lease is up by the end of the year, we are looking for a bigger space. I want at least 2 bedrooms. I would be satisfied with a bigger, newer apartment but what i really want is a house. I want something i can decorate and paint and make my own. With the costs of renting an apartment so high, it almost seems more reasonable to buy a house. So we are looking around to try and find something we like and that stays within our budget. Let the search begin! Well, thats all for now. Until my next blog, Ciao!

Life's Lessons

READ IT ALL;; it might just touch your ♥
(just a few things i've learned in my short 22yrs of life)

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it. I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts. I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you'd better know something. I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do. I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it. I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides. I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be, but eventually i will get there. I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think. I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you. I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice, lots of practice. I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it. I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score. I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time. I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up. I've learned that I'm getting more and more like my mom/grandma, and I'm kinda happy about it. I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. I've learned that you should never tell a child her dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if she believed it. I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't necessarily biological. I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. I've learned that sometimes when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to. I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do. I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions. I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change. I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. I've learned that the clothes I like best are the ones with the most holes in them. I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process. I've learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love. I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves, get farther in life. I've learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control. I've learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most. I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help. I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being. I've learned that the people you care most about in life are often taken from you too soon. I've learned that although the word "love" can have many different meaning, it loses value when overly used. I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

Making Plans

I thought a lot about it and i decided that i am just going to put aside my hatred for school, suck it up and go to nursing school. Most likely, i will go to school to get my LPN and then bridge over to the RN program. At least while i'm in school for my RN, i can get a job as an LPN and make more money than i am now as a CNA. Hopefully my 4 yrs of working at the hospital will make nursing school a little less difficult. Well, my girls week at the beach vacation starts on monday! Due to work, i will only be able to stay thurs-mon. That is still a nice mini vacayy! I am excited! I decided i want new bedroom furniture. I think i wanna buy it from Ikea. The new one in Ybor is HUGE! so here's what i think i want to buy:

(the dresser would be in the darker brown color too)

Thats all i have picked out so far. There furniture is pretty inexpensive, although it should be since you have to build it yourself. haha Well, i'm off to make some lunch. -Later

Sunshine through the clouds

A little update on my life:
So, things seem to be looking up for me and kyle. We are working on our relationship and improving a little each day. He helps me out around the house more, without me having to ask too! He shows appreciation for the things i do for him and the things i do around the house. I can tell he's really trying. :) I am working on not stressing so much over the little things, which makes things better for both of us. I tell him (more often) how i appreciate the little things he does for me. All in all, things are slowly but surely improving.
Work has been pretty good lately. Kinda slow actually. Are census is a little low but boy, it doesn't seem slow when i'm there running around like crazy! I haven't heard much of anything new about Miss Alyssa. Last i heard was she was still in the P.I.C.U and the family was preparing to take her home with hospice. :( I can't imagine making the decision to bring your child home to die. The whole thing is just so UNFAiR! When i went to visit her a few days ago in the PICU, she had this look of pain on her face. It's like she's not there but she's trying to show us she's in pain. It's heart wrenching. Uhgg.
In other news....summer is definitely in full swing. Sheesh, the temps have been close to 100 degrees during the day!I can't wait to go to the beach for my vacation. August 1st cannot come soon enough!
There must be something in the water because so may people i know are preggo. It's giving me baby fever! Some days i want a baby so bad i can't stand it, other days i think it might not be the right time. ::Sigh:: Oh well, i suppose it will happen when the time is right.
Well, that's enough for now. I'm going to fold my laundry and think about what I'm making for supper!
-Later

Leave you with a smile

So, i decided to take a break from blogging about the more serious, sad and depressing stuff and post something funny. If you have heard of Fmylife.com, then you will get these, if not, you are seriously missing out on a good laugh. These are a few submissions i picked at random after reading a bunch this morning. ENJOY!!

1. Today, i was walking by a bunch of pretty girls, I'm not the most attractive boy, so i walked by nervously. I heard one yell "Hey cutie!" I turned to look and they started laughing. She said, "Oh my God, sorry! I assumed you were cute from your butt!" Apparently my ass is nicer than my face. FML

2. Today, i finally got a chance to try out my vibrator. I've never orgasmed before with a guy, so i thought there was no hope until my friend gave me the vibrator for my birthday. It was going amazing, better than sex. I was literally 2 seconds away from climaxing when the battery suddenly died. FML

3. Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML

4. Today, i came home from work late (2:30am). As i snuck carefully into bed and laid down next to my sleeping future wife, my fiance half awake said, "No, no...Dan will be home soon." I am Dan. FML

5. Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with my because the love advice that she gets on her cell phone every week says that i'm cheating on her. I've never cheated on her and i was planning to propose next week. FML

okay, i have to stop now because otherwise this post would be two pages long. lol check out some others at fmylife.com.

Have a great day!

I feel

like i don't know who i am anymore. I feel like i'm not as happy as i could be. I'm surrounded by those who love me, and yet i feel so alone. Lately i have no idea who i'm supposed to be with or what i'm supposed to be doing in my life. I'm just...lost. I can't handle feeling this way. I don't know what i'm supposed to do to fix these feelings. I am scared to go to anyone with these feelings. But keeping them to myself makes me feel as if i'm slowly drowning. I've got to do something before i run out of air or i will end up drowning.

One step forward then two steps back...

So i was at work this afternoon when one of the nurses informed me that little Alyssa is back in the PICU. :( I was devastated. After her surgery to place the trach, she was doing pretty well. Now, not so much. Apparently she basically coded again for about 4 minutes, but they brought her back (again) and put her on the ventilator. So not only is she in the PICU, she is now not breathing on her own. It's just sooo unfair. She and her family don't deserve any of this pain at all. I know i'm not supposed to question God, but why? why is she suffering like this? If God wants to take her to heaven, he needs to just do it already. Some of the nurses have said they are afraid she's never going to wake up. I want to believe she will, but i fear the worst. I went to see her on my dinner break and had to leave after about a minute of being at her bedside. I felt the tears coming to my eyes and couldn't take it. She's lying there, so helpless, so lifeless. The lights may be on, but no one is home. Tests showed her brain activity has basically been reduced to nothing. What kind of quality of life will she have from this point on!? Honestly! How much more can her little body take? It will take a miracle to get her back. All i can do is pray. As if all the problems with Alyssa aren't enough, her mom tells me that they might not get the new house they need to bring Alyssa home. It makes me angry inside. This family deserves a freakin' break and they have had nothing but heartache and sorrow for the past 4months. I may not be able to offer much besides love and support. But i will give them all the love and support i have. I'll be praying everyday for Alyssa and her family. It's in God's hands now.

More often than not...

we take life for granted. We don't seem to realize how lucky we are. Working in healthcare and with children especially, I've seen some horribly sad things that make me realize just how lucky i am. People don't realize how lucky they are to have normal, healthy children. Some of my chronic patients or "frequent flyers" as we call them, spend much of their time in the hospital. As healthcare workers, we become their second family. It's sad. They come in, we do what we can to make them better (for the time being) and send them home hoping they won't come back too soon. But, most of them are only home for a short while before they are back with us at their "other home". After Jacob died, i've done my best not to get too close with my chronic patients and their familes. I guess it's my weakness, because i always end up developing a close realationship with them reguardless of the pain i might suffer if we lose them due to an illness. There are a few patients and their families i have become very close with. So much so that they pull on my heart strings from time to time. Little Alyssa is one of my favorites. Only months ago, she was a normal little girl aside from her kidney problems. We would see her a few times a year when she was admitted for nephrotic syndrome. she would stay for a short while and go back home again. Recently, she underwent surgery for a bilateral kidney removal. right before surgery they discovered her heart was having to work overtime to make up for her kidneys. It was weakening her heart too much and they decided to postpone the surgery for a while. The doctors did what they could to fix the problems with her heart and she started to show some signs of improvement. Soon after, they decided to go on with the surgery reguardless of the issues with her heart because it was either leave in the kidneys and let the heart suffer or risk doing the surgery so the dead kidneys could come out and she could start dialysis. They took her to the OR. It was expected to go well. Soon after they administered the anesthesia and intubated her, she coded. She coded for 23 long minutes. Her heart had stopped. Although she was vented, her brain wasn't getting sufficient oxygen for those 23 minutes. When they finally brought her back, they decided to not do the surgery for fear she would code again and not wake up. What had gone wrong?! They assumed her heart had not been strong enough. Ultimately, they discovered she was allergic to the anesthesia but her weakening heart didn't help either. We all feared the worst. No one knew how bad the brain damage would be. When we were finally able to see her mom and dad, we huddled around them and all shared a few tears and prayers. It was heartwrenching. That was about two months ago. To this day, she is not awake. :( Her eyes will open but she is not 'awake, alert'. Caring for her breaks my heart to pieces. Knowing what she used to be like and seeing how she is now, it's almost unbearable. I can't imagine being a parent in that situation. One minute your child is 'normal', maybe with only a slight health problem, maybe with none at all. Then, in the blink of an eye, they are in a sort of vegitative state. Alyssa now has a trach (tube in her airway) to help her breathe and her neurological damage has caused her to posture (rigid extension of the arms and legs, rigidity, flexion of the arms, clenched fists, severe arching of the back with the head thrown backwards). It's sad to see. After much convincing, her parents still refused to sign a DNR. They wont give up on their little girl. They have so much hope. I have hope for little Alyssa. Sadly, working in this profession, we see the difference in having hope and facing reality more than others do. I dont want to give up hope. I also know there is not much quality of life for this little girl in her current state. Seeing things like this daily has made me realize how fortunate i have been in my life. I have learned to embrace life and be thankful for every moment i am given. All too quickly it can be gone. I've decided i'll have no regrets. And if i could only accomplish one thing in my time here on this earth, it would be to make a difference in someone elses life.
Don't take life for granted. Be thankful, for everyday. Tell those you love just how much you love them.

In Honor of the "Blonde Bombshell".

Today would have been Marilyn Monroe's 83rd birthday. I would have loved to have met her, to have studied her or even just have been a fly on the wall in her world. It would have been interesting to know her during her younger years before she died. I often think of how fun it would be to have lived 'back then' during the 50's. The world was quite different. It seems to me that each year that passes, the world goes a little more downhill. From what i have read and learned about her, she seemed to have been quite lonely reguardless of all the people and fame constantly surrounding her. She was looking for love in any man that would acknowledge her. I doubt she truly loved each of the men she married and i doubt they truly loved her. I think there was a great lack of love in her life as a child, so she made a career for herself to fulfill that void. She "just wanted to be wonderful". She became one of the world's most famous sex symbol's.

In Loving Memory

6/1/26-8/5/62

♥

Happy Birthday to...me. :)

Another year older. where does the time go? I feel as though i just turned 21 yesterday! However, i've made out pretty well so far in the gift department. I got $300 from grandma, with which i used to purchase my new, bigger bed. My parents also threw in some $$ towards the bed and bought me a few other things i have not yet received. Kyle got me a $150 gift certificate to the spa! A few other things should be coming my way later today. I feel so blessed. Things haven't been easy this past year but I am alive and healthy to see another birthday and i have some of the best friends and family i could ever ask for. :) I am truly thankful. I am, however, still working out a few kinks on this journey called 'life'. Slowly but surely, things are falling into place. That's all for now.

Sweet dreams...hopefully.

So today is day four of having this hideous MRSA abscess. Thank god the Clindamyacin is starting to work. I can't go back to work untill my cultures come back negative. That means no work untill at least thursday, and THAT means i'll probably have to work on my birthday to make up for the three days i have missed this week. FML. I got my new bed i wanted for my birthday, a nice new queen size pillow top. Now kyle and i can sleep in the same bed comfortably. If i could only get him to stop snoring. My next purchase will be one of those down-filled mattress toppers to add a little extra fluff to our new bed. yay!! Kyle came home from Maryland today. We are starting to get back into the normal routine of things now that he is home. Thankfully, my awesome mom came over everyday for the last three days and took care of me and helped me out around the apartment. Dunno what i would have done without her. :) I can't wait to get my new stuff from Etsy in the mail! I am wondering what i will be doing with all my free time for the next few days until i am able to go back to work?! Well, sorry for the lack of excitement in this post but i'm heading to bed. <3

My newest purchases from Etsy!

GLAMOROUS BUTTERFLY-----------RETRACTABLE ID BADGE REEL

Zipper Pouch - Daisy Dreams
from lireca

Super cute, right??

FML....

so the past few days have not been so great. for starters, i had a sore throat and other cold-like symptoms and missed work on friday. on top of that, i developed an absess on my left lower lip/chin and the swelling and pain got so bad, the nurses on my floor recommendedthat if it didnt improve overnight that i should go to the ER this morning. Needless to say, it got worse. :( I went to the ER and was luckily in and out within 3-4hrs. It helps when you work there. lol they said at this point my absess can't be drained because its not soft. they prescribed clindamyacin for the MRSA in the absess and vicodin for the pain. i feel like i got punched in the jaw and my lip is super swollen. awesome. the doctor told me that if i didnt see/feel a significant improvement in 48-72hrs to come back to the ER and have the absess I&D'ed (incised and drained). i hope it doesnt come to that but i know it will feel better when it's drained. I've assisted with many I&D procedures on patients on my floor and i know they hurt. they would basically make an incision with a scalpel on my absess and drain the fluid/puss and then pack the open wound. so it wont be pretty. because the absess has moved further up to my lower lip, they dont want it to cause cosmetic issues either. it would suck to have my lip incised. mom has been taking care of me all day. i may be almost 22, but when i'm sick or hurt, i still want my mom. lol luckily we only live 2 mins from each other. she even went and did some grocery shopping and picked up my prescriptions for me. On another more lighter note, (lol) i have recently discovered i am addicted to Etsy.com. they have such cute things for cheap. i love all the handmade stuff. many of their vintage products caught my eye as well. At least i'll have something to do/look at while i'm stuck hiding away in my apartment drugged up on vicodin. lol another fun web site that entertains me for hours is fmylife.com. the stories are hilarious. i could sit and read them and not even realize an hour has passed. they are good for a laugh. Well, i'm off to find some cute stuff on Etsy. maybe later i'll post some pix of my finds. bye for now!

Another rainy day

Since this is my first post, it probably wont be too interesting. Bare with me, they will improve in time.

So i woke up at 5am this morning feeling worse than i did when i finally went to sleep at 2am. I know i'm getting sick. Awesome. My throat hurts, my body aches, i'm exausted, and just feel "blah". So, i called into work. Oops. Hope i don't get chewed out for that. On another note, Kyle is on day 2 of his wrestling tournament journey. They drove to Virginia yesterday and stayed there over night. Today he and his wrestlers are traveling to Maryland to prepare for the tournament, which is tomorrow through monday. He should be home late monday or early tuesday. Meanwhile, it's just me and my baby brody (the doggie) at the apartment. I miss kyle, but on the other hand, i dont mind the time to myself. I get a lot done on my days off and get a good nights sleep after a long day's work (since i don't have someone next to me snoring loudly ALL night). The only downside is being here alone at night. That is one thing i'm not too fond of. So far, it hasn't been so bad though. My birthday is next friday. I'll be 22. Man, where did the time go?? I feel like i just turned 21! This year wont be as exciting as my birthday was last year, but at least i have the day off! lol Kyle's birthday is four days after mine. I have no idea what i want or what i should get him. We want a new, bigger bed. Maybe that should be our gift to eachother. He wants to take me to look at engagement rings when he gets home. We've been together for three years next month, are we ready to take the next step? :) I looked online and found some rings i like. So maybe next weekend when i'm off we can head to the mall and try some on! So many of the girls i know that are my age have babies and husbands. I feel like the 'odd one' since i dont have either of those. I don't regret my decision to have kids and marry at a young age. I don't look down on those who did choose to marry young and start a family either. Truthfully, i envy them, but deep down i know the time isn't just right for kyle and i to have a baby. As badly as i want a baby, i'll have to wait a little longer until that time presents itself. "God, continue to give me patience!" On the subject of school, i recently decided i have NO idea what i want anymore. I'm questioning nursing school because i know i am not that great of a student and just plain hate school. But, i have worked at the hospital for almost four years and have been exposed to so many great things that i almost think nursing school would be fairly easy for me. I think i'm just scared to fail. I'm very 'hands on' at work and always look to do new things. Because TGH is a teaching hospital, i get the opportunity to do more with my patients and i love that. I know i definately want to do something in the medical field, i just hope i am strong enough and smart enough to fulfill my dream of becoming a pediatric nurse. After seeing what the nurses go through and the stress of the job, sometimes i think to myself, "there's no way in hell i could put up with that". Other times, i can't wait to be "Ashley Willis, RN." Oh well, i'm taking the summer semester off to work more and decide what i want to do about school in the fall. Hopefully by then i'll have things figured out. Anyways.... it's rainy and gloomy out again today, which i don't really mind since i'm sick and have the whole day to lay around and relax. Hopefully it storms later. I sleep the best during thunderstorms. Well, I think i'll make some breakfast.
My plan(s) for the day:

1.) eat breakfast
2.) do a load of laundry
3.) clean up around the house a bit
4.) naptime?
5.) lunch
6.) relax
7.) dinner time
8.) bedtime

Later.