Fear

Tonight, all of a sudden it hit me. Maybe its hormones or something but all at once i felt like my fear and uncertainty of the future hit me like a ton of bricks. After kyle went to bed, i went to take a shower. As i started the water and got in, i felt my eyes fill with tears and my heart drop. I sat under the water and cried quietly and uncontrollably. I felt like i couldn't catch my breath or stop crying no matter how hard i tried. I think all this talk lately of the future has got me overwhelmed and stressed. I'm scared, about many things. Kyle and i will be engaged before the new year, there is talk of planning a wedding. How will we afford a wedding? we want a baby. Can we afford a child? what about a new place to live? Our current lease is up in December and we can't afford much higher than our current rent but we need more space. What about school? An education costs money too. It seems the only thing i am sure of anymore is kyle and i. If he doesn't get his raise by the end of the year, how will we afford a bigger place, and a wedding and a baby?! I have never been one who is all about money. I am just fine with the simple things and i have been raised to work hard for what i want/need. Despite those values, I'm terrified of the future, and of the unknown. Will we be okay? I always try to be the strong one and i usually hide my fears, anxiety, etc. But everyone has a breaking point. I just want someone to hold me and assure me it will all be okay. I don't want to go to kyle with these worries, he has enough on his mind. I know he has the same worries, but i don't want to pile my worries/fears onto him when he has enough to worry about. I love him so very much. I need some guidance, reassurance, advice, something......