More often than not...

we take life for granted. We don't seem to realize how lucky we are. Working in healthcare and with children especially, I've seen some horribly sad things that make me realize just how lucky i am. People don't realize how lucky they are to have normal, healthy children. Some of my chronic patients or "frequent flyers" as we call them, spend much of their time in the hospital. As healthcare workers, we become their second family. It's sad. They come in, we do what we can to make them better (for the time being) and send them home hoping they won't come back too soon. But, most of them are only home for a short while before they are back with us at their "other home". After Jacob died, i've done my best not to get too close with my chronic patients and their familes. I guess it's my weakness, because i always end up developing a close realationship with them reguardless of the pain i might suffer if we lose them due to an illness. There are a few patients and their families i have become very close with. So much so that they pull on my heart strings from time to time. Little Alyssa is one of my favorites. Only months ago, she was a normal little girl aside from her kidney problems. We would see her a few times a year when she was admitted for nephrotic syndrome. she would stay for a short while and go back home again. Recently, she underwent surgery for a bilateral kidney removal. right before surgery they discovered her heart was having to work overtime to make up for her kidneys. It was weakening her heart too much and they decided to postpone the surgery for a while. The doctors did what they could to fix the problems with her heart and she started to show some signs of improvement. Soon after, they decided to go on with the surgery reguardless of the issues with her heart because it was either leave in the kidneys and let the heart suffer or risk doing the surgery so the dead kidneys could come out and she could start dialysis. They took her to the OR. It was expected to go well. Soon after they administered the anesthesia and intubated her, she coded. She coded for 23 long minutes. Her heart had stopped. Although she was vented, her brain wasn't getting sufficient oxygen for those 23 minutes. When they finally brought her back, they decided to not do the surgery for fear she would code again and not wake up. What had gone wrong?! They assumed her heart had not been strong enough. Ultimately, they discovered she was allergic to the anesthesia but her weakening heart didn't help either. We all feared the worst. No one knew how bad the brain damage would be. When we were finally able to see her mom and dad, we huddled around them and all shared a few tears and prayers. It was heartwrenching. That was about two months ago. To this day, she is not awake. :( Her eyes will open but she is not 'awake, alert'. Caring for her breaks my heart to pieces. Knowing what she used to be like and seeing how she is now, it's almost unbearable. I can't imagine being a parent in that situation. One minute your child is 'normal', maybe with only a slight health problem, maybe with none at all. Then, in the blink of an eye, they are in a sort of vegitative state. Alyssa now has a trach (tube in her airway) to help her breathe and her neurological damage has caused her to posture (rigid extension of the arms and legs, rigidity, flexion of the arms, clenched fists, severe arching of the back with the head thrown backwards). It's sad to see. After much convincing, her parents still refused to sign a DNR. They wont give up on their little girl. They have so much hope. I have hope for little Alyssa. Sadly, working in this profession, we see the difference in having hope and facing reality more than others do. I dont want to give up hope. I also know there is not much quality of life for this little girl in her current state. Seeing things like this daily has made me realize how fortunate i have been in my life. I have learned to embrace life and be thankful for every moment i am given. All too quickly it can be gone. I've decided i'll have no regrets. And if i could only accomplish one thing in my time here on this earth, it would be to make a difference in someone elses life.
Don't take life for granted. Be thankful, for everyday. Tell those you love just how much you love them.